Guard Duty
by Kooshball
Summary: It's cold out, and Klinger is back on guard duty. His job, to stop people he meets in the compound, and ask for the password, but it sometimes doesn't work that way... Now with Alternative ending!
1. Chapter One

Klinger wrapped his mink coat around him tightly. It was cold out, and he was on guard duty. Again. Last time he'd done guard duty, he'd been shot by the kid he was training. He winced when he remembered it. Captain Pierce had told him it was only a scratch, but it still hurt. And he had to have his coat sent away to be repaired. To bad he wasn't allowed to be sent away home from the wound, but never mind. He still had a whole wardrobe the new Colonel hadn't seen. It was only a matter of time before he decided Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger wasn't fit for the army. Right now, that same Corporal was wishing he'd gone with regulation boots instead of the high heels he had on now. It was just too cold. Klinger held the gun to his chest. He'd been with it so many times, he almost felt unsafe without it. Suddenly, there was a noise from over near the supply tent. Tightening his head scarf and making sure his earrings were hanging correctly, Klinger marched over to the person coming out of the tent.  
  
'Halt! Who goes there?' Klinger demanded.  
  
'It's Hawkeye,' someone replied.  
  
'Advance and be recognized,' Klinger said, relaxing a little. He enjoyed Hawkeye's company. He sometimes was a little cruel with his jokes about the dresses Klinger wore, but he was a good egg, always looked out for people who needed looking out for.  
  
'Klinger, knock it off,' Hawkeye said, moving closer. His black hair was slightly tousled, and his jacket was hanging off him crookedly, so Klinger assumed he'd been with a nurse.  
  
'Can I at least have the password? I can't let you go through without the password,' Klinger said.  
  
'Uh, it had something to do with food, didn't it?' Hawkeye asked. Klinger grinned in the dark. Hawkeye was never too bothered with all that military stuff.  
  
'"Pumpernickel",' Klinger said.  
  
'Oh, well, then you can go on through, soldier,' Hawkeye said importantly, saluting Klinger.  
  
'Wise guy,' Klinger said, but he stepped aside to let Hawkeye through. Klinger began walking around the compound, ducking between tents and being as quiet as a cat. Well, as quiet as a person sized cat can be. After half an hour of wandering around out in the cold, with nothing to do, the door to the Officer's club opened, and someone started heading Klinger's way.  
  
'Halt! Who goes there?' Klinger demanded, stepping in front of whoever it was.  
  
'Colonel Potter,' the voice said, and the small silvery haired Colonel moved into the light so Klinger could see him better.  
  
'Do you have the password?' Klinger asked.  
  
'Beef stew. Or was that last nights password?' Potter asked himself. It seemed to be a characteristic of the Colonel's of the 4077. Henry Blake was a little absent minded too. Well, you'd have to be, after how much scotch he used to drink during the day.  
  
'Last nights, sir,' Klinger said. He may not let him go on without the password, but Klinger still felt it helped to be respectful to get his section eight he knew he'd get sooner or later.  
  
'Then what in the name of Samuel Hill is it tonight?' Potter asked.  
  
'"Pumpernickel", sir,' Klinger said helpfully.  
  
'Thanks, son, but don't tell everyone you see tonight. Kinda defeats the purpose of having a password,' Potter said before moving on. Klinger shrugged. Potter was ok, but he had liked Henry better. Got a more interesting reaction to each of his dresses from Henry. Klinger sighed quietly to himself. It had been about a month since Henry's plane had been shot down on his way home. Klinger watched Potter open the door to his office and go in for a night cap. At least Potter was better than having Frank Burns as CO. Klinger shuddered. Worst week and a half of his life. He continued on his rounds again, trying to think of new ideas for his escape from Korea. Halfway through making plans for a giant hang glider, Klinger remembered he'd already tried that (it failed, needless to say), when he realised that someone was coming out from the Mess tent.  
  
'Advance and be recognized!' Klinger said, coming up behind them. Father Mulchay turned around.  
  
'Oh, Klinger, you gave me a start,' he said.  
  
'Sorry, Father,' Klinger said. He never purposely annoyed the priest of the unit. He always had something nice to say about Klinger's dresses.  
  
'Quite alright. I suppose you would like the password?' Father Mulchay asked.  
  
'If it's not too much trouble,' Klinger said, wishing the wind would stop blowing a draft under his mink coat and into his skirt.  
  
'"Pantomime", wasn't it?' Mulchay asked.  
  
'Uh, yeah, that sounds right,' Klinger said, wishing he could go into the Mess tent himself and sit by the stove.  
  
'No, that's not it. "Punctuality"? No, "Principal"? Oh, I can't remember it!' Father Mulchay said.  
  
'I'll tell you, but if anyone asks, I never did, ok?' Klinger asked. 'It's "Pumpernickel".'  
  
'"Pumpernickel"?' Father Mulchay asked. 'That doesn't sound right, either.'  
  
'Trust me, Father. Would I lie to you?' Klinger asked.  
  
'Well, I guess not,' Mulchay said, looking a little bewildered, but he began walking to his tent anyway without trying to hold Klinger up any more. Klinger moved away quickly, and out of the wind, and sighed with relief at how much warmer he felt without the stiff Korean wind blowing his coat up. Just then, the wind changed, and was blowing hard into his face.  
  
'Korea is cruel,' Klinger muttered as he kept on walking. A door banged closed at Pre-op, and Klinger hurried on over.  
  
'Boy, it's cold,' someone was muttering to themselves.  
  
'Friend or foe?' Klinger asked.  
  
'Friend,' the surprised person replied.  
  
'What's the password?' Klinger demanded.  
  
'Last time I heard, it was "Pumpernickel",' the person said.  
  
'Advance and be recognized,' Klinger told them, gripping the gun tightly as the wind blew harder and colder. BJ stepped forward.  
  
'On guard duty again, Klinger?' he asked. Klinger grinned up at the tall doctor. He should have known it was him. BJ was the only doctor who didn't try to be grade A military and remember the password. BJ was Trapper's replacement, and was considerate to everyone he met, including the lower ranking personnel. He didn't make mean jokes with Hawkeye about Klinger's dresses, like Trapper did, even though Trapper was a nice guy as well. Klinger envied Trapper. He'd gone home to his wife and family, a few days after Henry was shot down.  
  
'Yeah, well, that new kid was shooting too many tents and jeeps when he was on duty, so he was shipped off somewhere else. I had to come back on the duty roster,' Klinger said.  
  
'Better you than me. It's freezing out here,' BJ said before walking towards the Swamp, huddled up against the wind. Klinger thought about warmer nights when he had guard duty, earlier in the year. It helped keep him warmer, and it gave him some great memories as well. He grinned into the night when he remembered the time he'd stopped General Barker while wearing a woman's uniform.  
  
'How do I know you're not one of them with a clever make-up job?' he remembered asking, before the General realised Klinger was harmless. Then the next morning, Klinger had stopped him, Henry, Hawkeye and Trapper, naked. It would have worked, too, if Trapper and Hawkeye hadn't acted like it was a normal occurrence. Major Houlihan's tent opened and banged nosily against it's frame from the wind as someone slipped out. Klinger glanced at his watch. Hotlips must have cut her date with Frank short again. He didn't usually leave until five hours after Klinger started guard duty, and it had only been two. Klinger grinned to himself as he stealthily tailed Frank towards the Swamp. Klinger didn't like Frank, actually, no-one in the whole of camp did. But with Klinger, it was a little more personal. Frank was very GI, a Major, and he insisted on everything being military, didn't even approve of someone like him, trying to get out on a psycho. He wore uniform all of the time, and would probably have Mac Arthur yawning if he started talking to him. Klinger was the polar opposite to Frank, with the dress wearing and all. It caused them a sort of rivalry between them. Frank was always ordering Klinger to wear proper uniform, but Klinger thought that would mean giving up his section eight. He'd thrown him a couple of punches once or twice, knocked him out when he made Klinger spill a tray a nurse had asked to be sent to the lab, after he'd stopped him to make him take off a red bandana his ma had given him. At any possible opportunity, Klinger made hell for the Major. He grinned to himself as he remembered when he'd thrown snow onto his bare feet in the middle of the night, while Frank was sleeping. Klinger finally made his move just outside the Swamp.  
  
'Halt! Who goes there?' Klinger said, swinging the gun down from his shoulder in one fluid movement, and pointing it Frank.  
  
'It's me, Major Burns,' Frank said, turning, and jumping when he saw the barrel of the gun pointing at his chest.  
  
'I don't know any Major Burns,' Klinger replied.  
  
'Get away from me, you psycho,' Frank growled.  
  
'Can I have that in writing, please?' Klinger asked, moving the gun closer to Frank's chest.  
  
'Are you mad?' Frank yelled.  
  
'That's what he's been trying to tell you since the beginning of the war, Frank,' Hawkeye said from inside.  
  
'Leave me alone,' Frank said, turning to go into the warmth of the Swamp.  
  
'What's the password?' Klinger demanded. He was starting to enjoy this.  
  
'It's "Pumpernickel",' Frank replied without turning around.  
  
'Turn around!' Klinger barked at the Major, shoving the gun into Frank's side hard. 'This things loaded.' It wasn't really, Klinger felt more comfortable without the bullets in it, but it was a good bluff. Shaking, Frank put his hands over his head.  
  
'Klinger, I swear, if you shoot me, I'll be sending you home in a coffin!' Frank shouted.  
  
'Better than staying here,' Klinger said, poking him with the gun again. 'Move. To the Colonel's tent.'  
  
'Can we come? I want to see how this ends. This is better than a soap opera,' Hawkeye asked, poking his head out from the door.  
  
'Sure, you can help keep an eye on this prisoner,' Klinger said. Hawkeye and BJ came out after putting their coats on and followed Klinger and Frank to Potter's office.  
  
'I'm innocent! I gave you the password!' Frank was howling.  
  
'Be quiet, you Korean spy!' Klinger yelled at him. BJ and Hawkeye were laughing behind them, and Klinger looked back to throw them a wink. This made the two surgeons have another fit of laughter, and Klinger worked on keeping up with nutter act. They marched into Potter's office, where Colonel Potter was pouring himself a scotch.  
  
'What in blue blazes is going on here?' Potter yelled.  
  
'I found this man, while patrolling, and he doesn't know the password,' Klinger said, saluting.  
  
'I gave the password!' Frank said hysterically.  
  
'I asked these two to come along as witnesses, sir,' Klinger said, nodding back towards Hawkeye and BJ.  
  
'He didn't give the right password, sir,' Hawkeye said, looking sincere.  
  
'Well, I thought it was the right one. What is it tonight?' Frank asked.  
  
'It's "Pumpernickel",' BJ said helpfully.  
  
'I said that!' Frank yelled.  
  
'I wouldn't have brought you in, if you had,' Klinger said, the gun being pushed slightly harder into Frank's back.  
  
'Then what did I say?' Frank asked, confused.  
  
'You tried "Burns", "Frank", "psycho", "Klinger",' Hawkeye began, counting off his fingers.  
  
'I think there was a "coffin" in there somewhere,' BJ added.  
  
'You're all mad!' Frank yelled.  
  
'He tried "mad" too, if I remember correctly,' Hawkeye grinned. Margaret came barging into the office. Klinger groaned inwardly. Margaret, known affectionately by Hawkeye as Hotlips, was Klinger's eighth least favourite person in camp. The first seven were Frank Burns. Klinger tried not to cause too much trouble for Margaret, she was too good at giving orders, pulling rank, and getting people arrested, unlike Frank. Klinger thought it best to try and keep as far away from her as possible.  
  
'What is going on? I saw Klinger taking Major Burns in here, and I want to know what's happening!' she said shrilly.  
  
'Frank didn't give the right password,' Hawkeye explained. 'Klinger brought him in for questioning.' There was something to be said for Hawkeye's cruel sense of humour. He always used it on Frank.  
  
'I'll have to ask you for the password too, ma'am,' Klinger said, looking over at Margaret, and daring to try and annoy her for the first time since his first week in the 4077.  
  
'It's "Pumpernickel", now let him go!' Margaret said. Potter was standing there, listening to the chain of events. Klinger didn't know where he got his patience from. If his pa were Colonel here, he'd be yelling with the best of them.  
  
'I'm going to charge for assault!' Frank yelled.  
  
'One of your patients are thinking of doing the same, Frank,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'Why are you charging Klinger for assault? He was doing his job, and it requires him to bring in anyone who doesn't know the password,' Potter said to Frank.  
  
'He threatened me when he knew who it was,' Frank replied.  
  
'So would I,' Hawkeye muttered.  
  
'Relax,' Klinger said, holding his gun up so it was pointing at the roof and patting the handle of it. 'It's not loaded.' The gun went off loudly, and a rip appeared in the canvas roof of the tent. Margaret screamed and threw herself to the ground beside Frank who'd fainted. Hawkeye and BJ had half jumped down, and were slowing standing up, while Potter stared at Klinger.  
  
'Not loaded, eh?' he asked. Klinger looked at the gun in his hands sheepishly.  
  
'Someone else must have been using it. I never put bullets in it, for safety reasons,' he explained. Must have forgotten to check it tonight.  
  
'You four, go to bed, or where ever you're heading,' Potter said, pointing at Margaret, Frank, who'd come two after Margaret started fanning him, Hawkeye and BJ.  
  
'Yes, sir,' the four said before going out of the tent, Hawkeye and BJ laughing at Frank, and Margaret telling them to shut up.  
  
'You, get back on guard duty,' Potter said to Klinger.  
  
'Yes, sir!' Klinger said, saluting.  
  
'Oh, and Klinger? Your left earring is hanging crooked,' Potter said, smiling at Klinger. Klinger went out, straightening the offending earring. Potter was a good sort. Not even a threat of transferring him closer to the front. It's what he'd have done if he were military and had someone like himself in the camp. Klinger took the rest of the bullets from the gun and put them safely in his pocket. 


	2. Chapter two

Hawkeye and BJ were walking towards him.  
  
'Halt! What's the password, and all of that,' Klinger said, going up to greet them.  
  
'Good job with Frank. You had him scared witless!' Hawkeye was laughing.  
  
'What was the password again?' BJ joked. '"Mad", "Klinger", "Burns"?' Klinger started laughing too.  
  
'Get lost you two, I have a job to do,' he said. Hawkeye and BJ slapped him on the back before leaving. Klinger grinned. He liked seeing Frank squirm, and he'd never actually seen him squirm that much. Resting his gun on his shoulder, Klinger began his patrol again. The mess tent door opened a few hours later, and he could see a short figure wheeling out the projector. Klinger smiled. Radar O'Rielly. Shortest man in camp. He was the company clerk, could read people's minds and was fantastic at getting gear into camp. If it weren't for him, Klinger wouldn't have half of his dresses.  
  
'Need help?' he asked, pushing the film projector beside Radar.  
  
'Klinger! Yeah, this needs to be taken back to the supply room, ' Radar said, stopping his pushing for a few seconds. The two got it to the supply room and put it into it's place.  
  
'Uh, I should really ask for the password, or something,' Klinger said. 'Regulations.'  
  
'Oh, uh, it was "breadbox",' Radar said.  
  
'Close enough,' Klinger sighed, realizing there was no point to having a password in camp if only three people other than himself could remember it.  
  
'What is it, if it isn't "breadbox"?' Radar asked confusedly.  
  
'"Pumpernickel",' Klinger told him.  
  
'I knew it had something to do with bread!' Radar exclaimed before heading towards his tent. Klinger shook his head. Radar was a good kid. Hawkeye always had him doing something when the Colonel wasn't busy ordering him about. Klinger glanced at his watch, wondering when he'd be relieved. Eight hours down, four to go. Klinger sighed. He had forgotten how lonely it was to be out on guard duty. Skulking around, Klinger turned his head at the mess tent door opening. Father Mulchay again. Klinger went up to him.  
  
'Hey, didn't I already stop you after leaving the mess tent before?' he asked.  
  
'Klinger! I was just looking for you. I thought you might want a coffee or something, because it was so cold out,' Father Mulchay said. What a thoughtful man.  
  
'Thanks, father,' Klinger said, thankfully taking the mug from him. He escorted him back to his tent before taking a sip from the mug. Stone cold. And too much sugar. Klinger tipped it out onto the grass behind the showers. He never could stand too sweet coffee, but unfortunately for him, it was the only way to drink the coffee around here, otherwise you had to ask Hawkeye to pump your stomach. Klinger began thinking about the mess tent. A few crazy parties had been held there over the war, but heaven help you if you ate the food. Radar seemed to stomach it alright, but it was murder on everyone else. And they continued to serve the same thing over and over. Klinger grinned at the memory of when Hawkeye had gone into the mess tent, in the nude, to settle a bet with Trapper, that no-one in camp paid attention to anything anymore. Then, another time, Hawkeye had started a food fight after he was served fish and or liver for the eight days in a row. Someone had flung gravy at Klinger, and had to send his fur stole away to be dry cleaned. He had stormed into the Swamp to demand Hawkeye pay for the cleaning bill, but Hawkeye was too busy thinking about ribs. Klinger cringed. He'd really been unfair to Hawkeye that day. After offering help to get him those delicious ribs, Klinger had changed his mind when he couldn't get the section eight papers in return. Hawkeye was right. He and Trapper were only two doctors and he needed three to be discharged. Extremely unfair to Hawkeye to storm out and refuse to help. Plus, he'd been given a smaller share of those ribs than anyone else afterwards, and Hawkeye was right, they were the best tasting ribs ever. Glancing at his watch again, Klinger groaned. It had only been half an hour since he checked it last.  
  
'This is stupid,' he told himself, moving around a tent to get out of the wind. 'It's not like anyone's going to attack.' Another door banged shut in the wind. Looking around the tent he was huddled behind, Klinger saw someone getting into a jeep outside Pre-op and starting it up. Breaking out into a run, Klinger hollered 'HALT!'  
  
'Don't shoot! Don't shoot!' the person yelled. They jumped out of the jeep and lay on the cold, muddy ground, hands on their head. Hawkeye and BJ came running.  
  
'What's happening?' Hawkeye asked breathlessly.  
  
'Escaping patient,' Klinger replied, pointing towards the bandaged clad man on the ground, trembling. BJ and Hawkeye helped them up.  
  
'I won't try and leave, if you just keep that maniac away from me!' the guy said, eyes wide and pointing towards Klinger. Hawkeye and BJ glanced at each other before laughing.  
  
'He's no maniac,' BJ said.  
  
'Hey, take that back!' Klinger yelled.  
  
'He's wearing high heels!' the patient whispered to Hawkeye.  
  
'We know,' Hawkeye said soothingly.  
  
'I'm also wearing a skirt,' Klinger added, enjoying the affect he was having on the patient.  
  
'He's crazy! And you trust him to do guard duty?' the patient was asking Hawkeye and BJ.  
  
'He's the only one crazy enough to do it,' BJ told the man as he and Hawkeye led him into the pre-op tent. Klinger sighed.  
  
'Busy night,' he said to himself. It was good to know he still had the touch to make most people think he was nuts. One didn't fully realise he was a male, and asked Hawkeye why his 'nurse needs a shave?'. The poor guy was under anesthetics, but it still annoyed Klinger slightly to be confused with a woman. The only thing he wanted to be confused with, was a crazy person, and to be sent home. Klinger looked around. Hawkeye and BJ were making their way back to the Swamp, and Klinger didn't feel like bothering them again. He wandered around the compound, when he noticed it getting lighter. He turned and saw the sun, just rising above the hills. Looking at his watch, Klinger realised that he'd been on guard duty for about an hour more than he had to do.  
  
'I'll kill whoever was suppose to relieve me,' he said, going into the mess tent where Igor was just bringing out breakfast.  
  
'Anything interesting happen tonight?' Igor asked as Klinger grabbed a coffee cup. Klinger thought for a minute. Nearly everyone he met that night didn't know the password, he'd almost killed Frank, and stopped a patient from escaping in a jeep.  
  
'No, not a lot,' Klinger said before taking a swig from his coffee. 


	3. Alternative ending

Author's Note: This is an alternative ending to this fic. For it to make sense, ignore the second chapter. Actually, this was the first second part to "Guard duty" but I thought it wasn't as realistic, or something like that. This alternative ending also has three alternative endings, which will each have a chapter to themselves. Hope you enjoy this and don't get to confused by my instructions.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
Hawkeye and BJ were walking towards him.  
  
'Halt! What's the password, and all of that,' Klinger said, going up to greet them.  
  
'Good job with Frank. You had him scared witless!' Hawkeye was laughing.  
  
'Would you still have pointed the gun at him if you knew it was loaded?' BJ asked. Klinger thought for a second. If he could do that over again, would he point the gun at Franks chest? Would he shoot him, if Hawkeye and BJ weren't in the tent watching? Klinger's blood ran cold. He didn't know. He didn't know if he'd take a mans life, just because they had made his own a miniature hell within hell.  
  
'Nah, I'm not that crazy,' Klinger said. BJ and Hawkeye headed towards the officer's club, trying to keep the warmth of the Swamp hidden in their coats. Klinger wandered around. It was quiet, and it gave Klinger a chance to think. Klinger didn't want time to think tonight, not after BJ had asked him that question. He'd threatened Frank with a gun millions of times, with no real thought of putting a bullet into his chest. Could he be turned into a cold killer, after he'd told Father Mulchay once that the only reason why he wanted out of the war was because he respected life, and couldn't live where many people were shot and killed every day? Klinger swallowed and looked around him into the inky blackness. He glanced down at the gun in his hands. It felt cold and evil now, instead of warm and comforting, and he was shaking. Klinger went around the showers, and sat against the outside wall, out of the wind. He stared ahead and thought. Could he pull the trigger of a loaded gun pointing at someone? No, he couldn't, he couldn't do it even if he thought it'd get him home honorably. Klinger pulled the bullets out of the pocket of his mink coat and stared at them. So small, yet they could take a life in a second. Klinger rested his head on his arms, curled up against the wind, and sat there for maybe an hour, asking himself if he could shoot Frank, given the chance. He got up after a while, thinking that if he wasn't careful, the enemy could take the camp hostage. He walked around the corner, and there was Frank, standing there, in the middle of the compound, his back to him. Klinger placed a bullet quietly and pointed it slowly at the Major's back. He lined it up carefully, and fired. Klinger jumped awake.  
  
'A dream,' he said out loud. 'Just a dream.' He took the bullets from his coat pocket again, counted them to make sure they were all there and he hadn't really shot someone, then stood up, just staring at them. He couldn't trust himself with these, he could kill someone. He walked over to the Swamp, and knocked.  
  
'Come in,' BJ called from inside. Klinger slipped in gladly, and moved towards the stove. It looked like Frank was back in Margaret's tent, being comforted over his near death experience.  
  
'Klinger, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost,' Hawkeye said in a concerned tone. Klinger looked over at him, and walked over, taking the bullets from his pocket out a third time. He held Hawkeye's hand opened, and tipped them in.  
  
'I can't have them on me, I think I'm going nuts,' he whispered.  
  
'I thought you were nuts?' BJ asked.  
  
'No, that's just an act, everyone knows it. But this is for real. After you asked me if I'd known about the bullets in the gun, would I have shot Burns, well, I couldn't decide. I didn't know if I'd have really killed him if I knew the gun was loaded, and if you guys weren't there. Then, I sat down somewhere for a while, and dreamt I got up. I went around a tent, and there was Major Burns,' Klinger stopped for a second to make sure the two doctors realised how urgent it all was. 'Then I shot him. In the back, while he was just standing there, not doing anything.'  
  
'Klinger, I think you need to lie down,' Hawkeye said, getting up and making Klinger sit down on the spare cot.  
  
'You don't understand, I think I could actually kill someone! I've never been able to kill anything, let alone anyone! I won't even step on ants if I see 'em on the ground!' Klinger exclaimed as Hawkeye tried to push him into a laying position.  
  
'Maybe we should get Colonel Potter,' BJ said nervously.  
  
'He'll just think I'm putting another act on! Please, I need your help!' Klinger pleaded. He saw Hawkeye and BJ glance at each other. 'Please, this isn't about going home, this is about people's lives being in danger!'  
  
'Klinger, you have to understand, when someone tries to get out of the army for so long on a psycho, it turns into "the boy who cried wolf",' BJ explained. Klinger nodded.  
  
'I know, but I swear, this is real,' he said to them in almost as whisper.  
  
'And you say he brought it on?' Hawkeye asked, pointing to BJ over his shoulder. Klinger nodded again, more vigorously this time.  
  
'We should really get the Colonel. Maybe we can get a psychiatrist in by the morning,' BJ suggested.  
  
'A psychiatrist, good, anything, please!' Klinger said as Hawkeye gave up on ever getting him to lie down. Odds were, Klinger would get Sidney Freedman. He was a good sort, smart and knew how to make people feel comfortable.  
  
'We need to stop Frank coming back in,' Hawkeye said. He wrestled the gun from Klinger's grip and took it with him to the door of the Swamp.  
  
'You're not going to threaten him, are you?' BJ asked.  
  
'No, I'm taking it with me to Potter's tent, so if Frank does come back, Klinger won't be tempted to shoot him,' Hawkeye said, looking at Klinger again. He left into the night, and Klinger lay down, almost relieved the gun way gone. They were really good guys, BJ and Hawkeye, always helping people. Klinger still felt nervous, and looked up fearfully when he heard footsteps coming towards the Swamp. BJ got up and opened the door a smidgen to check to see who it was.  
  
'Frank, get lost. Klinger's having a breakdown,' BJ said to whoever it was. Klinger's worst fear, well, other than being killed himself, were coming true.  
  
'What, he break his favourite heels? Get out of the way, Hunnicutt,' Frank said, pushing BJ back into the tent. Hawkeye and Potter arrived as Klinger was getting up from the bed to get Frank's handgun on the shelf above his cot.  
  
'Frank, get out of here!' Hawkeye yelled, slamming Klinger back onto the cot. Frank looked a little scared at what was happening, and he left, much to Klinger's relief.  
  
'Are you sure it's not another act?' Potter was asking.  
  
'Colonel, I've known Klinger since the beginning of the war. He may have tried to get out on a hang glider, in a bag, and by wearing the frilliest dresses you've ever seen, but this isn't something he'd try to get out on,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'Thanks, Hawkeye,' Klinger said gratefully. Potter looked at Klinger thoughtfully.  
  
'Tell me the whole story,' he said, sitting down. Klinger quickly explained what BJ asked him, and what his thoughts were on it, then told Potter about the dream.  
  
'You and Burns aren't the best of friends, are you?' Potter asked. He was a sharp man, that Colonel potter.  
  
'No, sir,' Klinger replied.  
  
'And you're not sure if you'd shoot him or not?' Potter asked.  
  
'No, sir,' Klinger said again.  
  
'Come on,' Potter pulled Klinger up from the cot. 'We're going to settle this once and for all.' 


	4. Alternative ending one to the Alternativ...

'Uh, Colonel, are you sure this is a good idea?' Hawkeye asked nervously.  
  
'Sure it is,' Potter replied confidently. He handed the gun to Frank. 'Now, point it at Klinger.' Klinger, on the far wall, felt very nervous. He wouldn't trust Frank with a handgun, let alone the shotgun he had in his hands now. 'If Frank shows Klinger compassion by not being able to shoot him, then Klinger will feel that he can't shoot Frank,' Potter explained.  
  
Klinger wasn't so sure. The theory was good, but Frank was weird, and didn't seem to have much empathy for other people. Klinger closed his eyes tightly as the gun was raised up to point at his chest from a few meter's away. There was a huge bang, and Klinger felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. As he fell to the ground, he could hear either BJ or Hawkeye running towards him while the other wrestled to get the gun away from Frank.  
  
'Dang it. I didn't think he would do it,' Potter said as Klinger blacked out from the loss of blood. 


	5. Alternative ending two to the Alternativ...

'Uh, Colonel, are you sure this is a good idea?' Hawkeye asked nervously.  
  
'Sure it is,' Potter replied confidently. He handed the gun to Klinger. 'Now, point it at Frank.' Frank, on the far wall, whimpered. 'We all know Klinger's a good kid, and he'd never hurt. . .uh, kill anyone intentionally. This'll prove to him that he is exactly that,' Potter explained.  
  
Klinger wasn't so sure. With the gun in his hands, the one he was so familiar with, loaded, and Frank, just a few meters in front of him, it was just so hard. Klinger lifted the gun up and lined up his sights. There was a loud bang as Klinger fired, and suddenly, Hawkeye and BJ threw themselves onto Klinger, to wrestle the gun away from him.  
  
'Dang it. I didn't think he would do it,' Potter said as Klinger blacked out from a blow to the head. 


	6. Alternative ending three to the Alternat...

'Uh, Colonel, are you sure this is a good idea?' Hawkeye asked nervously.  
  
'Sure it is,' Potter replied confidently. He handed the gun to Klinger. 'Now, point it at Frank.' Frank, on the far wall, whimpered. 'We all know Klinger's a good kid, and he'd never hurt. . . uh, kill anyone intentionally. This'll prove to him that he is exactly that,' Potter explained.  
  
Klinger wasn't so sure. With the gun in his hands, the one he was so familiar with, loaded, and Frank, just a few meters in front of him, it was just so hard. Klinger lifted the gun up and lined up his sights. The end of the gun suddenly dropped to the ground.  
  
'I can't do it,' Klinger told them.  
  
'Hallelujah! I knew he didn't have it in him! No offence, Klinger,' Potter said to Klinger.  
  
'None taken. I'm happy I know I can't kill the most hated man in this or any other army,' Klinger replied.  
  
'What do you mean, most hated man in this or any other army?' Frank demanded.  
  
'I owe you ten dollars,' Klinger heard Hawkeye whisper to BJ. 


End file.
